The Better Refuge

    In the crazy of Momming, sometimes ya just want to take a break. To sit down. In silence. And scroll. Because it literally takes no energy. It is mindless. It's also fun to see what's going on with people and feel like I'm not missing out on anything. Last year I found myself waiting for those breaks. Scheduling them even or just peeing for like 10 minutes, when it could have been 10 seconds. If you're a mom, you get it. 2020 in general was a year of wanting to keep up with the latest and see how everyone was handling it all or what words of encouragement some of my fave follows had to say. I spent a lot of time looking for those breaks. But never once after scrolling on facebook or instagram did I say, "Wow. Now I am refueled and ready to be a great wife, mom, and friend." Typically the time spent was a little longer than I intended and left me feeling drained, lazy, and regretful that I'd wasted my time. Then add in all the politics of the year, I found my mind racing listening to 100 people's opinions while simultaneously processing my own. 

    I took a few short social media breaks last year. I had so many conversations with Jonathan about creating healthy boundaries with it- "Maybe I'll just keep it logged out so then every time I want to get on it, I'll have to type in my password." That worked until I was logging in often enough that it was just a waste of time to log out. "Maybe I'll just have certain times of day that I check it and then I won't be on it any other time." That worked until it didn't. As I shared in previous posts, I always want to be moving forward, to be growing, to be looking more like Christ, and part of that process for me is asking a lot of introspective questions. One of those questions is, "What is the biggest hindrance to my relationship with Christ right now?" And for me, last year, it was wasting time on social media and often taking refuge in that over taking refuge in God. The Better Refuge. Not only was it a temptation to waste time on, it was also a temptation from being fully present as a wife and mom. So many times this year, I have identified my relationship with social media as a hindrance to me living out who I want to be and who God has called me to be. Because where you invest your time is where you invest your life. And I was investing too much of my life (time, energy, and thoughts) to social media. So because our word for the year is "stewardship" and because my heart is to be a more faithful steward of the gifts God has given me, I felt both convicted and confident in letting go of the identified hindrance. And as January's focus is on the stewardship of time, I have been increasingly grateful that God led me in that way. Because it is no longer competing for my time/heart. 

    So why did I not give up sooner despite conviction through last year? Here is why: social media can be an incredible tool to encourage people and share the gospel. It can also be a place to learn, be challenged, and see some really really cute babies. It is morally neutral and there is nothing wrong in and of itself with having it. But it is a ground for temptation. For some that may be comparison, envy, insecurity, materialism, or wasting time. Even though my heart was to steward it well, it continually came up in my time with God as an obstacle to growth and something I needed to let go of. 

    So I brought it up with Jonathan again and asked what he thought as I shared the pros/cons as well as my list of reasons why I really felt like I couldn't let it go. And that is when I knew. If there is any thing you feel like you can't let go of, that may be a good sign you should. He encouraged me and also willingly joined. And leading up to the New Year, although I was increasingly disengaging social media, I was starting to get really anxious. I thought I would be bummed not seeing all the pics, hearing all the new news, and not getting to share any of my own as though I needed to be able to say, "Hey, I'm here and I've got kids and we're doing stuff." And here I am, a few weeks into 2021 and it has been so good to let it go.  To silence the voices and ads. To be more present. And to rest in The Better Refuge. I have had zero anxiety about it since, zero temptation to spend time on it, and overall, I am confident I have stewarded my time more faithfully than I was before. And I  hope this year to grow in such a way that I can steward and engage with social media better in the future but for now, I am embracing this break.

     Now I will ask you, what is the biggest hindrance to your relationship with Christ right now? Or to being the person you want to be? Identify it and in faithfulness, let it go. "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose on part of of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut if off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose on part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." -Jesus (matt 5:29-30)

Making it matter,

Laura Jones