No More Anxious Mama

     This Scripture impacts my motherhood most often. It frees me from fear. It gives me confidence amidst my lack of control. It helps me sleep at night. And it is this: "...all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Ps 139:16 tells me that every single one of my days has already been written. Which means my life will not end a moment before it's meant to. And here is where it really lets me exhale: every single day of each of my kids' lives has already been written. Which means their lives will not end a moment before they are determined to. This gives me incredible relief as a Mom. 

    Moms want to do everything in their control to keep their kids safe, healthy, and thriving. It is instinctual. We want with every fiber of our being to protect our kids. It starts when they're in the womb. We read about all the ways to keep baby safest and healthiest. We take on new diets, cut out different things, exercise more. The instinct starts immediately and only intensifies after birth. Because we feel the weighty responsibility of being the sole provider and sustainer of another human being, it brings out new depths of fear we had never experienced before. Every decision feels monumental.

     Marketing strategists target these fears and many-a product sell if they can tout keeping your little human safer. Maybe you've heard of the Owlet, for example. It is a baby monitor sock your baby wears at night that tracks their oxygen level and heart rate while they sleep and alerts you if something is off. I took this directly off their website: "Parents around the world trust Owlet every night to help them keep their babies safe...Now you can feel more confidence, more freedom, and more peace of mind knowing that Owlet is here to help you keep your baby safe." While I've never owned one, I am not condemning the product itself, but I am asserting that there is a better Place to put your trust if you want "more confidence, more freedom, and more peace of mind" in keeping your baby safe. And it would do parents around the world well to trust Him. Psalm 121 tells me that God will not slumber or sleep, but will constantly watch over His children. 

    Let me encourage you, Mama, that you are not the sole provider and sustainer of your child's life. That should bring great relief because at the end of the day, we are limited. We need sleep. We can not and do not have full control. While God is absolutely employing you to do the best you can to wisely steward and care for the child He has given you, it is ultimately Him who has all power and might and control. In Acts 17 it says, "He himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else...and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands...For in him, we move and live and have our being." Job 12:10 says, "In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." In His hand. He holds our baby's every breath. The whole book of Job, especially chapters 38-41 gives a sobering reminder of how big and mighty God is and how small and weak we are. It is best that our babes are in His hands because He is the true Provider and Sustainer. And also, He is good and loves our sweet dumplins more than we ever could. 

    Sometimes I'm tempted to think I can do a better job than God because I see things happen all around that are not good. We don't understand why He would allow some babies to die before ever taking their first breath. Can we really trust that God? I started asking this question at 11 years old after experiencing a heartbreaking loss of two babies in my family. In another post, I will share more of their story and how their lives and deaths have impacted my trust in God forever, especially since becoming a Mom. If anxiety is robbing you of the joy in Motherhood, I encourage you to cling to these truths:

    1. God has full control and we do not.     
    2. God is good and worthy of our trust.

Will you place your trust in Him today?

Making it matter,

Laura

Screen-Free Parenting

    If I were to let my kids have an hour of screen time per day, I would absolutely do it first thing in the morning, you know a little distraction for them so I can drink a cup of Joy, I mean Joe, and have some time in God's Word. Maybe even time to prepare breakfast for everyone without the whining soundtrack: "I don't want that. I don't like eggs today. Can I have a cookie?" Yes, morning would be ideal. Although, maybe it would be best to do the one hour screen time after breakfast that way I can unload last night's dishwasher run, then wash the breakfast dishes, wipe the table and sweep the floors so that we can be ready for lunch. Yes, that would be better. Although, I do have more energy in the mornings for motherhood tasks, so perhaps the best idea would be to save the one hour screen time for when I am losing momentum and need a little break. Somewhere between the lunch mess and afternoon rest time. Then I could probably even eat my own lunch or get some laundry going. That'd be nice. No wait, I just remembered the witching hour, between waking from nap and Daddy getting home. That's typically the point in the day where we are all on the verge of tears, when we have nothing but ungratefulness and complaining in our hearts. That would definitely be the most strategic time for screens.

     I could easily have the TV on at all times in our home; in fact, I could probably justify it as better for everyone. Something about motherhood and training little hearts exposes so much of the sin in my own. Most days I start out quite positive, His mercies are new every morning...but then upon preparing breakfast and the response being complaints, and then spills happening left and right, and one child nursing while another pees on the floor, and my positive attitude goes right out the window along with my patience and grace. But God. He is with me so near in those moments and I have no option but to get on my knees for help. And He helps me. He meets me there to supply a patience, joy, and grace that I just plum don't have without Him. Using screens makes it too tempting for me to check out of motherhood, to take an easy way out of some of the hard of training little hearts each day. And in doing that, to miss out on a closeness to God. I am confident that an hour a day would quickly evolve into much more. Because it happened last April. I budged on our normal no TV rule and got disney+, because lockdown and corona and staying at home and everyone else had it. What started as "maybe we'll watch an occasional something" quickly became a daily rhythm with a show here and a show there and my kids became crankier and more disrespectful each time we turned it off. We got rid of disney+. 

    Screens simply aren't a tool in the Jones parent tool box. I am big on home rhythms- patterns that reflect what it means to be home. When I think of what I want those patterns to be, I strive to filter our daily decisions to ensure that it feeds into those values. Screen time does not reflect our family values, goals, or the pattern we desire in our home. In general, we do not put the TV (or iPad or phones) on for our kids. It is not woven into the fabric of our home or a part of our schedules. It is not our go-to babysitter or the tool we use to occupy our kids' attention so we can get something done. It is not what we hand our kids on 10 hour road trips nor is it the pacifier we give their tantrums. Our kids very rarely watch TV in our home and that is intentional (now at the grandparents it's a different story and a special perk of going to visit them)! 

        TV is not only not a rhythm in our home for the kids, it is also not a rhythm for me and Jonathan. We do not have a TV in our bedroom & we spend very little of our marriage in front of one. We have found that playing games together or sitting on the couch talking in the evenings cultivates a deeper connectedness than bonding over a show ever has. I think the primary draw with TV for us is that it grants laziness...and in our flesh, we love to be lazy. It is far easier as a couple to sit down after a long day of training kids and working in the office to mindlessly watch a show together. It is so much easier to put the TV on for my kids when they get cranky than it is to work with them on their heart issues and my own, which let's be real is often the bigger problem. Even when it was just the two of us before we had kids, we would eat dinner at the dinner table every night and engage in conversation. We set a pattern at the start of our marriage that has only increased and strengthened with time. The table is our family's gathering place. A few months ago we actually moved our one TV into the garage because we primarily use it for workout videos and it was taking up quality space in the living room- the room for living, not the watching room- the room for watching. Although perhaps for some, watching is their living. 

    I think some Moms have found a healthy balance in the way they use screens in their home, not neglecting their jobs in any way, but utilizing it well without it taking over the home. Some moms may not be so tempted as I am. In no way do I intend to communicate that watching TV is sin, that putting a screen in front of your kids is wrong, or that as a couple enjoying a show together is bad. I am sharing what our family has chosen to do in hopes to encourage and inspire others to use all resources intentionally for God's glory. May we challenge the status quo of our culture, of motherhood, of marriage, of homes and strive to reflect the eternal Kingdom. Ultimately, as you hopefully see as a theme with all of my posts, the encouragement here is to seek God and be faithful to His leading. That may mean using TV as a tool in the mornings to occupy your kids so you can get a 30 minute quiet time in. That may mean instead of watching a show alone, finding a show you and your husband both enjoy and watching it together. Or it may mean getting rid of the TV altogether. God is faithful and following His lead is the way to thriving, in our homes as it is in heaven.

Making it matter,

Laura