If I were to let my kids have an hour of screen time per day, I would absolutely do it first thing in the morning, you know a little distraction for them so I can drink a cup of Joy, I mean Joe, and have some time in God's Word. Maybe even time to prepare breakfast for everyone without the whining soundtrack: "I don't want that. I don't like eggs today. Can I have a cookie?" Yes, morning would be ideal. Although, maybe it would be best to do the one hour screen time after breakfast that way I can unload last night's dishwasher run, then wash the breakfast dishes, wipe the table and sweep the floors so that we can be ready for lunch. Yes, that would be better. Although, I do have more energy in the mornings for motherhood tasks, so perhaps the best idea would be to save the one hour screen time for when I am losing momentum and need a little break. Somewhere between the lunch mess and afternoon rest time. Then I could probably even eat my own lunch or get some laundry going. That'd be nice. No wait, I just remembered the witching hour, between waking from nap and Daddy getting home. That's typically the point in the day where we are all on the verge of tears, when we have nothing but ungratefulness and complaining in our hearts. That would definitely be the most strategic time for screens.
I could easily have the TV on at all times in our home; in fact, I could probably justify it as better for everyone. Something about motherhood and training little hearts exposes so much of the sin in my own. Most days I start out quite positive, His mercies are new every morning...but then upon preparing breakfast and the response being complaints, and then spills happening left and right, and one child nursing while another pees on the floor, and my positive attitude goes right out the window along with my patience and grace. But God. He is with me so near in those moments and I have no option but to get on my knees for help. And He helps me. He meets me there to supply a patience, joy, and grace that I just plum don't have without Him. Using screens makes it too tempting for me to check out of motherhood, to take an easy way out of some of the hard of training little hearts each day. And in doing that, to miss out on a closeness to God. I am confident that an hour a day would quickly evolve into much more. Because it happened last April. I budged on our normal no TV rule and got disney+, because lockdown and corona and staying at home and everyone else had it. What started as "maybe we'll watch an occasional something" quickly became a daily rhythm with a show here and a show there and my kids became crankier and more disrespectful each time we turned it off. We got rid of disney+.
Screens simply aren't a tool in the Jones parent tool box. I am big on home rhythms- patterns that reflect what it means to be home. When I think of what I want those patterns to be, I strive to filter our daily decisions to ensure that it feeds into those values. Screen time does not reflect our family values, goals, or the pattern we desire in our home. In general, we do not put the TV (or iPad or phones) on for our kids. It is not woven into the fabric of our home or a part of our schedules. It is not our go-to babysitter or the tool we use to occupy our kids' attention so we can get something done. It is not what we hand our kids on 10 hour road trips nor is it the pacifier we give their tantrums. Our kids very rarely watch TV in our home and that is intentional (now at the grandparents it's a different story and a special perk of going to visit them)!
TV is not only not a rhythm in our home for the kids, it is also not a rhythm for me and Jonathan. We do not have a TV in our bedroom & we spend very little of our marriage in front of one. We have found that playing games together or sitting on the couch talking in the evenings cultivates a deeper connectedness than bonding over a show ever has. I think the primary draw with TV for us is that it grants laziness...and in our flesh, we love to be lazy. It is far easier as a couple to sit down after a long day of training kids and working in the office to mindlessly watch a show together. It is so much easier to put the TV on for my kids when they get cranky than it is to work with them on their heart issues and my own, which let's be real is often the bigger problem. Even when it was just the two of us before we had kids, we would eat dinner at the dinner table every night and engage in conversation. We set a pattern at the start of our marriage that has only increased and strengthened with time. The table is our family's gathering place. A few months ago we actually moved our one TV into the garage because we primarily use it for workout videos and it was taking up quality space in the living room- the room for living, not the watching room- the room for watching. Although perhaps for some, watching is their living.
I think some Moms have found a healthy balance in the way they use screens in their home, not neglecting their jobs in any way, but utilizing it well without it taking over the home. Some moms may not be so tempted as I am. In no way do I intend to communicate that watching TV is sin, that putting a screen in front of your kids is wrong, or that as a couple enjoying a show together is bad. I am sharing what our family has chosen to do in hopes to encourage and inspire others to use all resources intentionally for God's glory. May we challenge the status quo of our culture, of motherhood, of marriage, of homes and strive to reflect the eternal Kingdom. Ultimately, as you hopefully see as a theme with all of my posts, the encouragement here is to seek God and be faithful to His leading. That may mean using TV as a tool in the mornings to occupy your kids so you can get a 30 minute quiet time in. That may mean instead of watching a show alone, finding a show you and your husband both enjoy and watching it together. Or it may mean getting rid of the TV altogether. God is faithful and following His lead is the way to thriving, in our homes as it is in heaven.
Making it matter,
Laura
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