Fried Plantains

     When we lived in Fort Worth, one of my very dearest friends was our neighbor across the street. Her name is Norma. There is really no reason we should have become such close friends. What I mean is we have nearly nothing in common on the surface. Norma is an 80 year old great grandma from Puerto Rico whose primary language is Spanish and she can barely use her iPhone. And yet, it was God's kindness that placed our family in the house across the street from her and her husband, Marino. She is one of the sweetest, most hospitable people I have ever met and I have learned so much from her. When we moved away and had to say goodbye, we both cried because of the unlikely friendship we'd forged over the two years we lived in that house. 

    Here are 5 things I learned about hospitality from Norma that will forever stick with me: 

1. Welcome people in. The first time I knocked on Norma's door she said, "honey, come in, come in." And so began our friendship. She was usually cleaning and cooking but always welcomed me and Micaiah (and then me and Micaiah and Esther) in to "sit down, sit down honey." She was often up and moving, but not in a "too busy for you" kind of way. I told her she worked way too hard and needed to take a break to which she replied, "at our age if you stop moving and sit around, you die." I took her to heart on that because she's one sharp feisty woman and never sat down more than a minute of her life I'm sure. She always loved conversation and seemed delighted by the kids and by me being there with her. She looked at my kids like they were her own great grandkids and we called her their abuela because of it. I am grateful for that first time of her welcoming us in. It kept me knocking on her door.

2. Give food. I also quickly learned not to go to Norma's after eating, because she wouldn't let you say no to food. Once you knocked, you were invited in, and once you were in, somehow there was a hot plate of beans, rice, and chicken sitting before you even though you'd politely just declined. I stopped declining because it didn't matter to Norma anyways. Plus her food was incredible. The first time she made me her fried plantains, I could have eaten them all. And she'd have let me. After bringing up how much I liked them so often, she finally taught me how to make them but mine certainly weren't as good. She also always had cookies for the kids, which were really crackers. They loved being at her house because she always offered them (read:forced them to have) juice and crackers and they certainly didn't mind that.

 3. Be available. This is the main reason Norma and I became friends. She was available. As a stay at home Mom with two littles at the time, I wasn't going too many places. Just me and the babies at home often, and Norma was always home too. We were the friends each other needed. I loved asking Norma questions about her family and learning from her life experiences. And she enjoyed sharing them with me. Never were we made to feel like an interruption or an inconvenience to her day; actually she made us feel like quite the opposite. She delighted in us, like she was hoping we'd stop by that day. 

4. Be present. Norma was never scrolling on her phone or texting...perhaps mostly because she didn't know how to. I loved when she asked me questions about her phone, like how to make it ring because it was on silent. Or how to find a picture someone had sent her. But truly. She was just there, present, engaged in the conversation. She was quick to hold a baby or help the toddler with something. Being present is a lost art, but Norma's got it down and I love hanging around her because of it. She treats you like you're the only one that matters in the moment.

5. Cross the street. Norma would knock on our door too. I'll never forget the times she knocked with a hot container of food she'd just prepared. She knew how much I loved her fried plantains and brought many  dishes over! She also would come over while the kids napped sometimes so I could run to the store. If she didn't see us for a couple days she'd come by to make sure everything was okay.  

    This past weekend we were in Fort Worth for a birthday party and I told Jonathan I'd like to go by Norma & Marino's house while we were in town. I called Norma a couple times in the morning but it went straight to voicemail...she probably just forgot where the power button was or something. But after the party, we just stopped by. Haven't seen them since before having Corban. Gave no advanced warning we'd be coming. We walk up to the door, knock, and it's not long before I hear, "Come in, come in, honey."  Within minutes we were sitting at their table being "offered" hot food and the kids already each had their juice. It was like she knew we were coming. Always ready to welcome us in. Jonathan handed her Corban and she just adored him saying, "Oh God bless you. God bless you, baby." She's gotten to hold 3 of our 4 newborns and has always spoken that over them. I hope to be more like Norma. To love and serve people the way she does. To be interruptible and delighted by the "interruption." To be present and enjoy simple conversation. Knowing Norma has made me better and her friendship has marked me for life.

Making it Matter,

Laura Jones

Mic(aiah) Drop

     I enjoy listening to podcasts. Typically I'll put one on for a little extra motivation to knock out the dishes or fold the mountain of laundry. On this particular day, I was listening to a Christian parenting podcast while driving my kiddos around. Micaiah, my five year old, was talking to me, as he usually does. I had put on the radio for them but he just wanted to chat. I was half listening and responding to him, half trying to listen to my podcast. I took an airpod out so I could hear him better and he, now realizing why I wasn't responding sooner to him, immediately said, "Why do you have those in? Are you listening to a podcast?" I said I was, and he quickly asked why I was listening to a podcast. I was slightly taken aback and said, almost defensively, "I am listening to a podcast teaching me how to be a better Mom!" He responded, "Wait. You have your headphones in and have to ignore your children to learn to be a better mom? How does that make sense?" Yes, my five year old said those words. I literally had no response, just started slowly removing the other airpod as the proverbial mic loudly dropped. Then after admiring the wisdom and clarity of thought my five year old just spoke, I smiled and said, "You're right, that doesn't make sense. Let's talk!"     

    I have thought about this moment so many times. Here I was, doing something good, something beneficial even. But it was at the expense of what was best. A good thing can be a bad thing if it's not the best thing in the moment. Being present goes a greater distance in Motherhood than anything else. It was  ironic, here I was striving to be a better mom in the future by being a worse mom in the moment. I am grateful for Micaiah calling me out because the way to be the best mom to my kids is to be a present mom with my kids. Presence over progress because in being present, progress is made. There's little I care more about than being the best mom I can be to Micaiah, Esther, Lauralai and Corban. They deserve the best. Each of their hearts full of curiosity and words, just wanting to talk and process through all they are seeing and learning. I love that I get to be that person for them every day. All day. May we always choose what is best over what is good. And save the podcasts for the daily sink sesh!

Making it Matter,

Laura Jones

Are We Done Yet?

    

    In the first week of Corban's life, I was asked the question a total of 10 times if we were done having babies. From nurses to strangers to friends to pediatricians, this question was top on the list. And while I think it's rooted in curiosity with no bad intention, it typically seems to come with an insinuation of, "You're done, right?" 

    It's funny because whenever we got married the question was, "Do y'all want to have kids?" Then after having our first son it was, "When are you going to have another?" Because if you have one, you might as well have two and if you have a boy, you'd surely like a girl. After baby number two, we got, "A boy and a girl, how perfect." Then we crashed that "perfect" picture with another baby. After three, the question came, "Do y'all want to have anymore?" But with four, after FOUR children, it's, "Are you done?!" This progression reflects how people think and is largely shaped by what's culturally expected. Most surely want to have one child, likely two so there is a sibling. Three is possibly manageable, but four is A LOT and must mean you're done. But being done implies that something has been started. Most people it seems, get married & hold off on being open to having a baby (through birth control or other means of prevention). Then when they decide they want to have a baby, they start trying, meaning they stop preventing. We never started trying to have babies. We simply got married and participated in God's good design of marriage.

    God, in His sovereignty has given Jonathan and me a gift that He, also in His sovereignty, could take away. He has given us the good gift of being able to conceive, carry, birth, and raise children. This is a gift I am humbled to receive, knowing there's nothing I have done to earn it or be worthy of it. I know too many who do not have this gift and it breaks my heart. The gift of fertility is not lost on me. And because I know it is a gift from God, my goal in stewarding the gift is to give it back to Him. To submit it to Him and say, "God, this is Yours. Use it how you will. Not my will, but yours be done." 

    Most questions that come in regards to building a family are rooted in wants. Literally in MY will. "Do you WANT kids?" "How many do YOU want?" "When do YOU want to have them?" "Do you WANT more?" As a follower of Jesus, the call is to not make decisions based on what we want, but consider and seek what He wants, knowing that our flourishing will follow our submission to Him. This is a counter-cultural concept, but obedience to God is where life to the full is found. Culture today says our wants, our feelings, our desires are to be esteemed above all else. What you want is your right to have. But wisdom of the world is foolishness to God. We are called to not conform to the world, but be transformed so that we can know what God wants. And what better way to know what God wants than to fully surrender everything to Him? 

    So to answer the question, "Are you done?" No, we are not done trusting God with our fertility. I am not so prideful as to think that God would continue gifting us with these eternal hearts made in His image. We are not trying to have as many kids as we can, but neither are we trying to deny God's gifts. We will continue to live open handed with our fertility, knowing God opens wombs and closes them. That may mean we only have these four children and to God be the glory for them, may we steward their hearts well. Or that may mean we have eleven children, in which case to God be the glory, may we steward their hearts well. We know that God is good and are actively choosing to trust Him to determine the number of kids we should have. What I want can be left out of it although so far I have four and I surely want them all!      

Making it Matter, 

Laura Jones