Are We Done Yet?

    

    In the first week of Corban's life, I was asked the question a total of 10 times if we were done having babies. From nurses to strangers to friends to pediatricians, this question was top on the list. And while I think it's rooted in curiosity with no bad intention, it typically seems to come with an insinuation of, "You're done, right?" 

    It's funny because whenever we got married the question was, "Do y'all want to have kids?" Then after having our first son it was, "When are you going to have another?" Because if you have one, you might as well have two and if you have a boy, you'd surely like a girl. After baby number two, we got, "A boy and a girl, how perfect." Then we crashed that "perfect" picture with another baby. After three, the question came, "Do y'all want to have anymore?" But with four, after FOUR children, it's, "Are you done?!" This progression reflects how people think and is largely shaped by what's culturally expected. Most surely want to have one child, likely two so there is a sibling. Three is possibly manageable, but four is A LOT and must mean you're done. But being done implies that something has been started. Most people it seems, get married & hold off on being open to having a baby (through birth control or other means of prevention). Then when they decide they want to have a baby, they start trying, meaning they stop preventing. We never started trying to have babies. We simply got married and participated in God's good design of marriage.

    God, in His sovereignty has given Jonathan and me a gift that He, also in His sovereignty, could take away. He has given us the good gift of being able to conceive, carry, birth, and raise children. This is a gift I am humbled to receive, knowing there's nothing I have done to earn it or be worthy of it. I know too many who do not have this gift and it breaks my heart. The gift of fertility is not lost on me. And because I know it is a gift from God, my goal in stewarding the gift is to give it back to Him. To submit it to Him and say, "God, this is Yours. Use it how you will. Not my will, but yours be done." 

    Most questions that come in regards to building a family are rooted in wants. Literally in MY will. "Do you WANT kids?" "How many do YOU want?" "When do YOU want to have them?" "Do you WANT more?" As a follower of Jesus, the call is to not make decisions based on what we want, but consider and seek what He wants, knowing that our flourishing will follow our submission to Him. This is a counter-cultural concept, but obedience to God is where life to the full is found. Culture today says our wants, our feelings, our desires are to be esteemed above all else. What you want is your right to have. But wisdom of the world is foolishness to God. We are called to not conform to the world, but be transformed so that we can know what God wants. And what better way to know what God wants than to fully surrender everything to Him? 

    So to answer the question, "Are you done?" No, we are not done trusting God with our fertility. I am not so prideful as to think that God would continue gifting us with these eternal hearts made in His image. We are not trying to have as many kids as we can, but neither are we trying to deny God's gifts. We will continue to live open handed with our fertility, knowing God opens wombs and closes them. That may mean we only have these four children and to God be the glory for them, may we steward their hearts well. Or that may mean we have eleven children, in which case to God be the glory, may we steward their hearts well. We know that God is good and are actively choosing to trust Him to determine the number of kids we should have. What I want can be left out of it although so far I have four and I surely want them all!      

Making it Matter, 

Laura Jones